One night the 96 year old draws a bath.. She puts her foot in and pauses…

 She yells to the other sisters, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?”

 The 94 year old yells back, “I don’t know. I’ll come up and see.”

 She starts up the stairs and pauses “Was I going up the stairs or down?”

 The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen  table having tea listening to her sisters.

 She shakes her head and says, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful,” she knocked on wood.

 She then yells, “I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”

Finally they agreed to meet at the Dairy Queen next to the Ocean View restaurant because they had only $6.00 among them and Jimmy Johnson, the cuteboy in Social Studies, lived on that street.

10 years later, the group of 25-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. 

Finally they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the beer was cheap, the restaurant offered free snacks, the band was good, there was no cover charge, and there were lots of cute guys.

10 years later, the group of 35-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner.

Finally they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the cosmos were good, it was right near the gym, and if they went late enough, there wouldn’t be too many whiny little kids.

10 years later, the group of 45-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. 

Finally they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the martinis were big and the waiters had tight pants and nice buns.

10 years later, the group of 55-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner.

Finally they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the prices were reasonable, the wine list was good, the restaurant had windows that could be opened (in case of hot flashes), and fish is good for cholesterol.

10 years later, the group of 65-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. 

Finally they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the lighting was good and the restaurant had early bird specials.

10 years later, the group of 75-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner.  Finally they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food was not too spicy and the restaurant was handicapped-accessible.

10 years later, the group of 85-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. 

Finally they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.

Let me know what you think.

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”.

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”..

Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”..

This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza.

Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

I hop zis mad you smil 

  .

Having delivered a flawless lecture, the driver was asked a difficult question by a member of the audience. “Well, the answer to that question is quite simple,” he casually replied. “I bet my driver, sitting up at the back there, could answer it!”

(2) Albert Einstein’s wife often suggested that he dress more professionally when he headed off to work. “Why should I?” he would invariably argue. ” Everyone knows me there.”

When the time came for Einstein to attend his first major conference, she begged him to dress up a bit. “Why should I?” said Einstein. “No one knows me there!”

(3) Albert Einstein was often asked to explain the general theory of relativity. “Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour,” he once declared. “Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity!”

(4) When Albert Einstein was working in Princeton university, one day he was going back home he forgot his home address. The driver of the cab did not recognize him. Einstein asked the driver if he knows Einstein’s home.

The driver said “Who does not know Einstein’s address? Everyone in Princeton knows. Do you want to meet him?. Einstein replied “I am Einstein. I forgot my home address, can you take me there? “The driver drove him to his home and did not even collect his fare from him.

(5) Einstein was once traveling from Princeton on a train when the conductor came down the aisle, punching the tickets of every passenger.

When he came to Einstein, Einstein reached in his vest pocket. He couldn’t find his ticket, so he reached in his trouser pockets. It wasn’t there, so he looked in his briefcase but couldn’t find it. Then he looked in the seat beside him. He still couldn’t find it.

The conductor said, ‘Dr. Einstein, I know who you are. We all know who you are. I’m sure you bought a ticket. Don’t worry about it.’

Einstein nodded appreciatively. The conductor continued down the aisle punching tickets. As he was ready to move to the next car, he turned around and saw the great physicist down on his hands and knees looking under his seat for his ticket.

The conductor rushed back and said, ‘Dr. Einstein, Dr. Einstein, don’t worry, I know who you are. No problem. You don’t need a ticket. I’m sure you bought one.’

Einstein looked at him and said, ‘Young man, I too, know who I am. What I don’t know is where I’m going.’

———- In the picture below, we will analyze what it represents to some groups of people.

Read the review after the photo…

- For young men, it’s a nice ass. Only the most observant will define this as an ass crossing the street. The really observant will see the thong.

- For older men, it is a respectable woman with a nice ass crossing the street.

- The perverts will imagine her as a naked woman.

- The wise men will ponder the presence of mind of the photographer in the face of such beauty and gratitude that it was shared with humanity.

- For half of the women, this is an ordinary woman who should not have left home dressed that way.

- The other half is wondering where she bought that blouse.

- The wise women imagine the misery that this will be at 50.

- Children, the curious, and monks will probably notice a dog driving the taxi..

Don’t be alarmed, I didn’t see the dog either.

To someone not familiar with signages: No, they don’t give free alcohol in this place. : ))

After they get to his house, he falls down another four times getting him to the door.   His wife comes to the door, and one guy says, “We brought your husband home”.   The wife asks, “Where’s his wheelchair?”  

The girl asked the boy: “what’s the meaning of ABCDEFG?” 

The boy answered: “A Boy Can Do Everything For Girl.”

The aunty felt so sweet and when she got home, she asked her husband: “what do u think of me?” 

The husband answered : “ABCDEFGHIJK”

Aunty felt so surprised and asked the husband what it meant. 

The husband replied: “Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous & Hot!”

Aunty was confused and asked: “what about I, J, K ??? ”

Husband replied: “I’m Just Kidding!”

Ha ha ha ha ha ha hah!!!

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. 

MONEY *A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale. 

BATHROOMS * A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337.  A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.   ARGUMENTS * A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. 

FUTURE * A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.    MARRIAGE * A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does. 

DRESSING UP * A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.. 

NATURAL * Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.         

Women somehow deteriorate during the night. 

OFFSPRING * Ah, children.  A woman knows all about her children.  She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.