DEFINITIONS :

* Divorce : Future tense of marriage.

* Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.

* Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through “the minds of either”

* Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

* Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest Piece.

* Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power.

* Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.

* Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

* Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.

* Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

* Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

* Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

* Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

* Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

* Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

* Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.

* Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

* Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

* Opportunist : A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

* Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway, “See I am not injured yet.”

* Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

* Father : A banker provided by nature.

* Criminal : A guy no different from the rest….except that he got caught.

* Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

* Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

* Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

“A pun is a phrase that deliberately exploits confusion between similar-sounding words for humorous or rhetorical effect.

“A pun may also cause confusion between two senses of the same written or spoken word, due to homophony, homography, homonymy, polysemy, or metaphorical usage. Walter Redfern has said: ‘To pun is to treat homonyms as synonyms’. Another definition has said that a pun is a word that has two different meanings used simultaneously. For example, in the phrase, ‘There is nothing punny about bad puns’, the pun takes place in the deliberate confusion of the implied word ‘funny’ by the substitution of the word ‘punny’, a heterophone of ‘funny’. By definition, puns must be deliberate; an involuntary substitution of similar words is called a malapropism.

“Puns are a form of word play, and can occur in all natural languages.”

Examples of Punny Quotations

“A pun is a shift of wit. A fart is a whift of shit.”

“A pun is its own reword.” — Dance Drier, British comedian

“Blunt and I made atrocious puns. I believe, indeed, that Miss Blunt herself made a little punkin, as I called it” —Henry James

“If puns are the lowest form of wit, are buns the lowest form of wheat?” — Piers Anthony, Author

“Immanuel doesn’t pun; he Kant.” — Oscar Wilde

“In the beginning was the pun.” — Samuel Beckett, Murphy

“Paris of Troy was so named because his mother had a considerable amount of gaul and married a Frenchman.” — Original Source Unknown.

“Pun (n.): the lowest form of humour” —Samuel Johnson, lexicographer

“Puns are the last refuge of the witless.” —another way of stating the above

“The goodness of the true pun is in the direct ratio of its intolerability.” — Edgar Allan Poe, Marginalia, 1849

“‘The man’, says Johnson, ‘that would make / A pun, would pick a pocket!’” .” — Lewis Carroll, “Phantasmagoria”, 1869

“The pun is mightier than the word.” — original source unknown

“95% words in the English language can be incorporated into word-play (while the other 5% can be ex-pun-ged as im-pun-etrable)” — Wayne Redhart (spoof top 500 reviewer on amazon.co.uk)

“You can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna fish. Unless of course, you play bass.” —Douglas Adams

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pun

Okay. Have pun!