1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I  thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band  pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of  maths disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope it’ll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in linoleum blown apart.

8. Two silk worms had a  race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Two  hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the  other, “You stay here, I’ll go on a head.”

11. I wondered why the  baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

12. A sign on  the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: “Keep Off the Grass.”

13. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his  grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, “No change yet.”

14. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

15. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

16. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of  religion.

17. Don’t join  dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!