Fun and Pun

Imagine a world without fun

Men Are Just Happier People– What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $1,000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.

New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original colour.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

You only need one wallet. One color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can “do” your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

Read to the end of this story….  Do NOT scroll down.                                   
                                                                           

  A true story and its source was the Australian Quarantine Inspection Service in Adelaide.                                             
                                                                         
 A bloke and his family were on holidays in the United States and went to Mexico for a week.  An avid cactus fan, the man bought one-metre high,    rare and expensive cactus there.  On arrival back home Australian Customs said it must be quarantined for 3 months.                                

He finally got his cactus home.  Planted it in his backyard, and over time it grew to about 2 metres.  One evening while watering his garden  after a warm spring day, he gave the cactus a light spray.  He was amazed to see the plant shiver all over, he gave it another spray and it  shivered again.                                                          
                                                                        
                                                      
  He was puzzled so he rang the council who put him on to the state gardens people. After a few transfers he got the state’s foremost cactus expert  
  who asked him many questions.  How tall is it?  Has it flowered? Etc.    

                                                                           
  Finally he asked the most disturbing question. ‘Is your family in the house?’ The bloke answered yes.  The cactus expert said get out of the  house NOW, get on to the front nature strip and wait for me; I will be there in 20 minutes.                                                     

Fifteen minutes later, 2 fire trucks, 2 police cars and an ambulance came screaming around the corner.  A fireman got out and asked ‘Are you the   bloke with the cactus?’ I am, he said.  A guy jumped out of the fire truck wearing what looked like a space suit, a breathing cylinder and   mask attached to what looked like a scuba backpack with a large hose attached. He headed for the backyard and turned a flame-thrower on the   cactus spraying it up and down.                                          

After a few minutes the flame-thrower man stopped, the cactus stood smoking and spitting, half the fence was burnt and parts of the gardens  were well and truly scorched.  Just then the cactus expert appeared and  laid a calming hand on the bloke’s shoulder. ‘What the hell’s going on?’  he says. ‘Let me show you’ says the cactus man.  He went over to the cactus and picked away a crusty bit, the cactus was almost entirely      
  hollow and filled with tiger striped bird-eating tarantula spiders, each about the size of two hand spans.                                        

The story was that this type of spider lays eggs in this type of cactus and they hatch and live in it as they grow to full size.  When full size they release themselves.  The cactus just explodes and about 150 dinner plate sized hairy spiders are flung from it, dispersing everywhere. They  had been ready to pop.  The aftermath was that the house and the adjoining houses had to be vacated and fumigated: police tape was put up outside the whole area and no one was allowed in for two weeks.         

And here’s what one of the b*stards looks like sitting on a FULL SIZE dinner plate…..   

 

The Quarantine Officer

 

 

Miscommunication

Classic example. Can’t stop laughing.

The boss and the eclipse
The boss and the eclipse