Tag Archives: seniors

What am I doing here?

What am I doing here?

Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.

 One night the 96 year old draws a bath.. She puts her foot in and pauses…

 She yells to the other sisters, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?”

 The 94 year old yells back, “I don’t know. I’ll come up and see.”

 She starts up the stairs and pauses “Was I going up the stairs or down?”

 The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen  table having tea listening to her sisters.

 She shakes her head and says, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful,” she knocked on wood.

 She then yells, “I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”

Girlfriends’ Dinner

Girlfriends’ Dinner

‪ A group of 15-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner.

Finally they agreed to meet at the Dairy Queen next to the Ocean View restaurant because they had only $6.00 among them and Jimmy Johnson, the cuteboy in Social Studies, lived on that street.

10 years later, the group of 25-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. 

Finally they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the beer was cheap, the restaurant offered free snacks, the band was good, there was no cover charge, and there were lots of cute guys.

10 years later, the group of 35-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner.

Finally they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the cosmos were good, it was right near the gym, and if they went late enough, there wouldn’t be too many whiny little kids.

10 years later, the group of 45-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. 

Finally they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the martinis were big and the waiters had tight pants and nice buns.

10 years later, the group of 55-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner.

Finally they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the prices were reasonable, the wine list was good, the restaurant had windows that could be opened (in case of hot flashes), and fish is good for cholesterol.

10 years later, the group of 65-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. 

Finally they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the lighting was good and the restaurant had early bird specials.

10 years later, the group of 75-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner.  Finally they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food was not too spicy and the restaurant was handicapped-accessible.

10 years later, the group of 85-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. 

Finally they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.

Hypnotist at the Senior Center

Hypnotist at the Senior Center

It was entertainment night at the Senior Centre.

Claude the hypnotist exclaimed, “I’m here to put you into a trance. I intend to hypnotise each and every member of the audience.”

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful, antique pocket watch from his coat.

“I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It’s a very special watch.

It’s been in my family for six generations.”

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, “Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch…”

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.

Hundreds of pairs eyes followed the swaying watch until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist’s fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

“SHIT!” said the Hypnotist.

It took three days to clean up the Senior Centre.

Claude was never invited back to entertain.